A Funny Thing Happened
by xDeanax
Summary: AU [Athrun x Cagalli] Somehow, Cagalli has to help her brother win the heart of the girl he loves...while distracting the girl's insufferable fiancé, Athrun Zala. Can she pull it off when she can't even tidy up her own apartment!
1. Chapter One

**Introduction**

No, it's not December. And no, _technically_, I'm STILL studying...but I couldn't resist posting up this one before my muse runs away. I can only update this (if I ever get the chance) during my spare time (cringe).

This is dedicated to my cousin Roxanne, who has this funny thing for weddings bells...

Well, that's all I wanted to say. Please enjoy!

XXX

**A Funny Thing Happened...**

**Chapter One**

Jerk.

Jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, JERK!

"I _hate_ men."

The look on Cagalli's face said it all. She was pissed off. And as she muttered incoherent curses about the defective products God had created to rule the earth in the form of_ men_, she stormed over into her living room and glared kitchen knives and daggers at the photograph of her and Mr. Jerk.

It was a snapshot of Yuuna Roma Seiran, Mr. Jerk, and ex-boyfriend, with his arm around her cringing body. It was taken last Christmas when the mistletoe had _happened_ to be above them. Of course, when Yuuna tried to take advantage of the situation, her fist of fury had quickly pounded the perverted thought away.

Cagalli grabbed the picture and contemplated on how to best eradicate it while attainting the ultimate satisfaction in doing so.

_Hmm...Roasting it over a fire is good...but then boiling it is even better! Or how about I hack it into pieces?_

Her tawny eyes glinted. Why should the picture be destroyed? _It_ did nothing to her. It was Mr. Jerk she wanted to hack into pieces!

But it would definitely make her _feel _good.

Okay, the thing is, she wasn't totally devastated over the loss of her boyfriend. He was, as mentioned above, an A-class Jerk. But what women wouldn't feel mad as hell when she caught her own boyfriend of ten months, practicing the wonders of lip-lock with her worst nightmare, _Mia Campbell_.

How did she catch him red-handed?

Here is how the disgusting scene unfolded:

_Cagalli: (Knocks on door) Hello? Is anybody home?_

_No one answers._

_Cagalli: (Knocks again) Hello? Hey, Yuuna you idiot, I know you're back from work by now! I've got some important documents my dad wants to give to your father! HELLO?_

_No one answers. Strange groans are heard._

_Cagalli: (Frowns and turns the doorknob. The door isn't locked. Walks and sees Yuuna.)_

_Yuuna the Jerk: (Kissing a pink-haired woman)_

_Cagalli: (Narrows eyes) What the HECK!_

_The couple breaks off. Yuuna's eyes bugs out and he lets go of Mia._

_Mia the Witch: (Smirks) How nice of you to drop by, Cagalli. Yuuna and I were just...talking to each other._

_Cagalli: (Sarcastic) Oh sure. You talk with your mouths glued to each other. That's a first. Tell me another story._

_Yuuna the Jerk: (Pales) C-Cagalli, I can explain –_

_Cagalli: (Snorts and turns around) Save your lies for someone more gullible. I'm out of here! _

It amazed her to discover her relationship with Yuuna was only as strong as cheap glue holding together a piece of old paper to a cracking wall.

But it came as no surprise to her. Cagalli had always known Yuuna was a backstabbing rat from the moment he walked into her eighteenth birthday party and kissed her hand.

_"Ah...your eyes are like the fiery coals of the hearth and your hair like the golden sun shining brightly in the sky."_

Can you say 'barf city'?

But to please her father Uzumi (who happens to be Unato Ema Seiran, Yuuna's father's close friend), Cagalli had to grit her teeth and bear with Yuuna's impossible personality and (get this) become his _girlfriend_. Sure, the idea alone was repulsive to her...but for her father's sake she endured it all. Uzumi was aligning his company with Unato's business, and that meant Cagalli had to play nice to the enemy...

But enough was enough. They were _through_! Finished! Ka-put!

Now where was her butcher knife...? Aha! Here it is, right on the kitchen counter. Now for some chopping time!

**Knock, knock, knock!**

_Who is interrupting my revenge plans?_ Cagalli fumed as she put down the picture frame and her cleaver and marched over to the door.

When she opened it, her brother Kira Yamato stood in front of her.

And he looked absolutely _heartbroken_.

"Kira, what's wrong?" Cagalli asked as sisterly worry kicked into gear.

His voice was hollow when he replied, "I-It's Lacus."

"Lacus? As in Lacus Clyne, the girl you've been so crazy over for the last five weeks?" Cagalli asked. She'd never actually met this 'Lacus Clyne'. But according to Kira, she was a famous international pop star who had recently had a break from singing and met Kira during her vacation on a cruise to Hawaii. They had hit it off from the start. Cagalli should know, since she had to listen to Kira sing praises about his new girlfriend via nightly phone calls for the last few weeks. She figured she lost 5 out of her usual 8 hours of sleep thanks to those calls. But like any long-suffering sister would do, she put up with it.

The almanac on her wall indicated there was still five days left to go before Kira's vacation was over. So why was he back here already?

"Can I come in?" Kira asked tiredly.

"Of course...just watch your step. I haven't cleaned up for a while."

That was an understatement. She almost _never_ cleaned up her apartment. But amidst this chaos she _did_ have a system...sort of. She just left the strewn clothing and books and papers the way it is (scattered all over the floor) and pick it up from where she left it in the first place. It was a tricky habit, but she got the hang of it overtime.

Kira, who was a total neat freak, ignored the mess and flopped down on the sofa.

"Okay, now I KNOW you're upset. You _always_ criticize the mess in my room before entering," Cagalli said as she sat down with him. Then stood up when she felt a pen stick out from the springs.

"Oh, so_ that's_ where my fountain pen went..."

Kira was too depressed to roll his eyes.

Taking the offending pen off the sofa, Cagalli plopped down next to him. "Now tell your big sister what happened."

And so the story spilled forth.

It took him two hours. But to cut a long story short: Kira and Lacus were totally in love. But as soon as the cruise stopped at Hawaii, she broke off their relationship in a sudden burst of tears, wailing about some 'engagement' while packing her bags and he hadn't seen her since. He would have searched for her had he known where she'd run off to. He tried calling her many times, but either she missed her call for a million consecutive times or she didn't want to talk to him ever again, Lacus never called back. So here he was, broken-hearted and miserable in Cagalli's apartment.

Kira sighed. "I don't know what to do, sis. I miss her. But maybe I should just give up and save myself from more heartache and –"

Instantly Cagalli glared at him. "That's the coward's way out, Kira! Didn't you tell me over the phone, again and again like some broken record player, that you were in love with her, for FIVE straight WEEKS!"

He blinked. "Well...that's right."

"And didn't you tell me you'd do almost ANYTHING for her?"

Still puzzled, he nodded.

"Then you can't give up on her! It would mean those hours spent listening to you gush over your love for her come to nothing! And that would make me angry. And you DON'T want me angry, _do you_, Kira?" Cagalli narrowed her eyes dangerously in a 'say-no-and-I-will-murder-you-in-the-three-thousand-ways-I-know-how' way.

He nodded again, this time with a sweat drop.

"So get your sorry butt off my sofa and phone her again! Ask her to explain why she left you!"

He frowned. "B-But what if she doesn't answer –"

"Don't think so far ahead, Kira. Just go for it and keep phoning until she _does_ answer. Now hop to it, soldier!"

Kira mocked saluted and marched out of Cagalli's door.

"Now, where was I before I was so rudely interrupted? _Oh yes_." Cagalli smirked evilly as she picked up the cleaver and loomed over the picture frame.

Exactly 30 seconds later as Cagalli was happily slicing Yuuna's pistil neck in half, the door swung open and Kira walked in again. This time he wore a shocked _and_ brokenhearted look.

Not a good combination.

Cagalli's eye twitched. "I take it something bad has happened."

Kira sat on the sofa with the grace of a robot set on automatic pilot.

She sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Okay, fill me in."

"She...has...a...fiancé..."

"That's not so bad..._WHAT_! A **FIANCE**!" Cagalli's jaw dropped.

"She's...going...to...get married...next Monday."

"Next Monday!" Okay, now she was seriously sounding like a mimicking parrot. And dang it, she was a human being with a bigger-than-a-parrot's brain! And she should shut her mouth and use that brain to think of a plan of action! She started pacing the floor. "That leaves us only THREE days from her wedding! Are you sure you don't mean _next_, next Monday?"

Kira gave her a look.

"Okay, okay, so it IS three days away." She paused. "Oh well. There're a lot of other fishes in the sea."

"But I can't just let go of Lacus without a fight! In fact..." He narrowed his eyes in resolve. "In fact, I'm going to head on over to her house and try to change her mind."

"Is that a good idea?"

Kira scowled. "Hey, who's the one who told me not to give up on her?"

"I did?"

"Yes, you did! And I'm going to take your advice."

Cagalli frowned. "Well, according to the fine art of warfare, we must first evaluate the enemy. In this case, it's Lacus's fiancé. Do you know anything about him?"

"Not really. All I know is, he's a British official and his name is...I think it was Athrun Zala." Kira tapped his chin. "Now why does that name ring a bell...?"

"Who cares if his name rings bells? We have to scope out the competition! Because if he ends up being a jerk, then you've got to stop their wedding before it's too late!" An image of a fat, graying old man with world-weary eyes and a perverted grin crossed her mind and she shivered. She'd heard of arranged marriages and almost always young women would be forced to wed to filthy rich old men in the hopes of gaining wealth for their parents. Lacus Clyne might be a victim of that sad plot!

"Well, I'm going to save Lacus! Thanks, sis. But I've got to book a plane to Britain. I think that's where she's staying with her fiancé. See you later!" Kira jumped to his feet with renewed determination and ran out of the doorway.

She sighed.

Okay, that crisis is solved...for now.

But...what if her brother failed? Knowing him, she was pretty sure he would fall flat on his face when dealing with personal issues like this one. Despite the fact that Kira Yamato was chairman of an international company and possessed excellent verbal skills, his tongue would go inarticulate in the presence of his own problems...especially a girlfriend.

Take Fllay Allster for example. She was his first girlfriend...almost married her really...if he had the courage to bend down on one knee and place the ring on her finger. In the end, Miss Posh Snob just got tired of waiting for Kira to pop the big question and dumped him.

Of course, Cagalli disliked Fllay. She only tolerated her annoying whining and bossiness for Kira's sake. But she hid her joy under a "that's too bad..." line when Kira told her about the break-up.

Then there was Girlfriend #2, Mia Campbell. Oh, superficially she was sweet, pretty and oh-so-charming. But Cagalli had known from the start that the girl was a two-faced leech. In less than a week together, Mia had decided Kira just wasn't up to her standards (as in, she was hankering for someone else) and dumped him too. Mia wasn't too happy when Cagalli remarked loudly that a garbage bin would make a better girlfriend than Mia could.

The next girl was Lacus Clyne. And she had dumped her brother too. Cagalli didn't want to pass judgment just yet, but she was getting tired of having to pick up the pieces when Kira's relationships go awry.

That's why this time she was going to make sure Lacus was 'the one' for him.

And if she was, no so-and-so fiancé would stand in the way of her brother's happiness.

Cagalli frowned. Butchering Yuuna's picture will just have to wait.

"To Britain, it is."

XXX

**TBC**

XXX


	2. Chapter Two

_Cagalli's plan of action_:

(A) Keep an eye on Kira's every move and make sure he doesn't fall for Miss Wrong a THIRD time.

(B) Should she be Miss Right, use every means necessary to make her Miss Yamato and end the never-ending restless nights where Kira phones after he gets into another episode of 'relationships gone sour' and keeps his favorite sister (that's me) awake till the crack of dawn.

(C) Should she be Miss Wrong (and God I hope not), drag Kira back to Japan even if he screamed and griped all the way...Yep, a lasso would be needed just in case. **Note to self**: Buy a lasso.

(D) Should Mr. Fiancé butt in, make sure to distract him using every ounce of cunning and ploy on hand...well, just minus murdering him and dumping his dead body in a garbage waste, since that's illegal.

And finally,

(E) Buy lots and lots of coffee. You never know when a migraine hits.

_End plan._

XXX

**Chapter Two**

"_Would passengers of Flight 003 climb onboard as the shuttle is prepared for lift off_?"

Kira began walking to the cockpit, unaware of the blond girl trailing behind him from some distance.

Feeling like an undercover agent on a Mission Impossible movie, Cagalli tried to keep up while not being noticed. A difficult thing to do since her brother's heightened senses thanks to those years in the military when he was younger. She saw Kira glance over his shoulder suspiciously and quickly ducked out of sight behind a big cactus bush.

An elderly couple was walking past her when they noticed Cagalli's rather 'odd' position.

She grinned sheepishly. "Ah, I'm...just smelling the flowers."

"But...that cactus doesn't _have_ flowers," said the old man, perplexed.

"Well, err, see, I'm a flower specialist hired by the, err, administrator of the airport to, um, check on the health of the plants here. And this cactus definitely gets an 'A' in my book," Cagalli said, smiling nervously and nodding as she slowly inched away. "Well, gotta go! So many cactuses and flowers to check up on, so little time. He-he..." And without further ado, she made tracks with all due speed.

Blink.

The old man grumbled under his breath. "Young people these days..."

His wife nodded in total agreement.

XXX

"Master Athrun, it is four o'clock."

British official Athrun Zala stood up from his desk and gathered his paperwork into a neat pile. "All right. Please tell my driver I won't be using the limo today. Lacus and I are just going on a short walk in the park after our lunch together this afternoon."

His housekeeper nodded her head. "Very well, Master Athrun."

Athrun placed the paperwork to one side and made his way out.

XXX

"...and I want a dozen packets of instant coffee powder...preferably white. Oh, and a long, sturdy rope...if you have any."

The salesgirl stared at Cagalli strangely. "Umm, yeah, I'll get those for you right now. Just wait here."

Our blond heroine was currently at a shopping store buying some needed things for her to execute plan (A) to (E), a few miles away from where Kira was sitting at a restaurant having his lunch. She frowned when a pink-haired woman, identical in face and hair to Mia Campbell but dressed in a far less sexier outfit, wearing a pristine white blouse and long lavender skirt, walked into the restaurant.

Kira looked up and smiled when he saw her.

And he mouthed the name 'Lacus'.

"So that's Lacus Clyne..." Cagalli's lips curled. "Humph. I bet Mia copied her looks. It would be just like her to impersonate a pop star."

Still nothing beat the original. Lacus was incredibly lovely, and she had an aura of kindness and serenity about her that Cagalli could sense even from here.

Hmm...No wonder Kira was so crazy about her.

Cagalli saw the pink-haired songstress look startle when she first spotted Kira before it melted into joy, then pain and she turned to hurry away. But Kira stood up and grabbed her shoulder from behind.

"C'mon, bro, you can do it!" Cagalli cheered for him in a low tone.

Her attention diverted when she caught sight of a tall, lanky male with brilliant green eyes and a handsome,unsmiling face heading toward the restaurant, dressed in a black jacket and jeans.

She frowned.

"Now...why does he look familiar?"

"Why, don't you know?" The salesgirl had come back with everything Cagalli had ordered in a shopping bag. She sighed dreamily. "That's Athrun Zala, a member of the British congress and most probably THE handsomest eye candy ever to fall from the heavens. Not only is he rich, mysterious and totally _stunning_, but he's also officially off-limits." She leaned over to Cagalli and she looked like someone who was about to reveal the biggest secret in the history of the world. "You see, he's already engaged...to Britain's most popular pop diva, Lacus Clyne."

Cagalli's jaw dropped.

_That _was Athrun Zala...

_Wow. I guess that flushed the image of a fat, graying old man with world-weary eyes and a perverted grin right down the toilet..._

She glanced at the couple staring at each other.

And_ that_ was Lacus Clyne with her brother Kira...

Outcome?

Gulp. NOT good.

Her eyes snapped open in panic.

Worse! Kira would probably be too wrapped up in wooing Lacus at the moment to take notice of the soon-to-be-very-mad fiancé dropping in. Oh God! She had to prevent that fiasco from happening!

Cagalli grabbed the shopping bag from the counter and left at top speed to the approaching disaster.

"Ah, miss, don't you want your extra change?" called the salesgirl as she waved the change in her hand.

But Cagalli was already too far away to hear her.

XXX

It all happened so fast. One minute, Athrun was striding down the sidewalk innocently minding his own business, the next something pounced on him and latched itself on his arm.

_Ugh! Not another annoying fan girl!_ He thought in disgust as he glanced down and saw a small-sized blond.

"Who in blazes are you!" he demanded. "And if you're asking if I will go on a date with you, or shower you with flowers, or go on my knees and marry you, then dream on! So let go of me!"

The amber-eyed girl scowled. "First of all, you _jerk_, my name is Cagalli Yula Athha. Second, I do NOT want a date, flowers or a ring on my finger, especially not from YOU. And _no_, I will NOT let you go."

"And why not, may I ask?"

"Because –"

_Because my brother is in there together with your fiancé Lacus Clyne and he wants to win her love and break your heart in the process and you're going to walk right in the middle of it and it's my duty as Kira's sister to save his butt and distract her fiancé before World War III begins!_

Of course, she would NEVER say _that_! Especially to the fiancé in question...

"Because...just because!"

"Look, Miss Whoever-You-Are, let go of my arm before you break my bones with that death grip of yours!" Athrun growled impatiently as he tried to remove his arm from Cagalli's hand. _Damn. Who'd had thought such a small woman could hide Herculean strength in those lifeless muscles? _he thought in half irritation, and half reluctant admiration.

_Oh no, I'm losing my grip on him._ She searched her mind frantically for some kind of distraction. _Come on, brain! Think of something! ANYTHING to keep Athrun Zala away from the intimate scene that is presently taking place with his fiancé and Kira._

And then a wacky idea just crazy enough to work popped up.

"Kira, you owe me BIG TIME for this," Cagalli muttered as she let go of Athrun.

He rubbed his aching arm and his lips curled distastefully. "Good, at least your brain processor isn't slow enough to misunderstand that simple command. I think my blood vessel was about to burst from that iron claw you call a hand. Now why don't you just run along and harass some other unfortunate civilian and–"

His sentence broke off when she lassoed him.

"Hey, what do you think you are DOING!" Athrun's green eyes widened when he saw her throwing a loop over him and pulling the rope so that it lashed around him tightly.

"I was thinking of using this on Kira for Plan (C)...but desperate times call for desperate measures. Sorry, buddy. I'll let you go as soon as I get you to a nice, safe place away from here."

"STOP THIS AT ONCE! Do I look like some kind of practice calf to you!"

But Cagalli ignored him as she pulled his rope and dragged him away.

"Stop fidgeting, Zala. All I'm doing is taking you to another restaurant since you're hungry," Cagalli scolded.

"I'M NOT HUNGRY!"

"Oh really? Is that why you were heading to the restaurant?"

Damn. Perceptive woman.

His stomach growled.

She raised her eyebrows. He blushed.

"Okay then, so I am. But I'm still not going any where YOU'RE going!"

"As handsome as he is stubborn," Cagalli muttered.

She stopped when staring eyes and gaping jaws greeted her from all sides.

"Nothing to see here, folks," she smiled brightly at the bystanders gawking at them incredulously. "This is all just part of an innovative tourist attraction designed by the government for holidaymakers in the form of lariat-throwing ala cowgirl style. Right, Zala?"

Athrun seethed and opened his mouth to tell her exactly what he thought of her so-called 'tourist attraction'.

"Keep your oral cavity shut, Zala. Or else I might actually leave you tied up in a closet someplace where only the cockroaches can hear you scream."

He clamped his mouth closed and gave his captor a venomous glare. "Look, you crazy woman, what is it you want from me? Are you kidnapping me for ransom or something? Because if you are, I'm warning you as soon as I'm released from these ropes I'll take legal action against you and –"

"Take all the legal actions you want, Zala," Cagalli smirked artfully. "But that will have to wait for a little while because we're spending some bonding time together...I want to see for myself exactly what quality Miss Clyne sees in you that she actually dumps my brother for a grouch like you..."

XXX

**TBC**

XXX

_Reviewer_ Q: Are you Pilipino?

_xDeanax_ A: Well...I'm 25 percent Pilipino...

_Another reviewer _Q: Can you PLEASE update before December?

_xDeanax _A: Sure. A bit of spare time here, a bit of spare time there...Yeah, I'll try to complete it whenever I can squeeze it into my hectic schedule.

That boxes up the Qs. Thank you for the reviews, everyone!


	3. Chapter Three

_Crazy. She's absolutely crazy._

Athrun took a deep breath and silently counted to ten. "Are you OUT OF YOUR MIND? And, for the love of God, what does my fiancé have to do with your brother?"

His kidnapper blinked. "You mean...you don't know?"

"Know WHAT?"

So Lacus didn't tell him about her secret liaison with Kira...Was that a good thing?

She shrugged. "I'll explain everything later...right after I make myself some coffee."

Athrun felt a migraine coming up. "Look, Miss Cagalli, I don't care if you're the Queen of England. I don't want to spend a second longer in your presence and if you don't let me go, I'll...I'll scream!" He mentally killed himself. That had got to be the dumbest, most girlish idea he had thought up yet!

"I don't think so, Zala," Cagalli said confidentially. "You're a guy. And according to the universal rules of egotistical males, guys hate to reveal any sign of weakness...especially in plain public."

She ignored the 'drop-dead-now' glare from him.

"Dammit, I have an important meeting with my fiancé right now and I'm not wasting my precious time with a crazy cowgirl maniac who has enough _sense_ to fill a teaspoon like you!"

"Well, whether I make sense or nonsense, I'm afraid you're stuck with me. Not forever, thank God, but just a few hours will suffice." She paused. "Do you like instant white coffee or black?"

"Black."

"Sorry, I only have white."

Scowl. "You asked that question for the sole purpose of annoying me, didn't you?"

Smirk.

Eye twitch.

XXX

**Chapter Three**

_I will survive. I will make it through...And right after I endure this torture to the very end, I will have her arrested and landed safely behind bars for escaped lunatics._

Athrun smiled tightly as he sat beside the blond who had kidnapped him. It had been an hour since Cagalli had kidnapped him and dragged him to the park bench. Now they were sitting together –she blissfully drinking coffee, he shooting death glares at everything and everyone in sight.

"You know, you should smile more often," Cagalli said after a while.

"I AM smiling," he hissed through gritted teeth.

"You call that a smile? Hah! That 'smile' of yours inspires fear and terror in the soul of the faint-hearted and the little children! Why do you think we're all alone in this park?"

"Well, I WOULD smile a REAL smile if SOMEONE would release me and end this whole ridiculous scenario!"

"This 'ridiculous scenario' would have ended hours ago if SOMEONE didn't struggle so hard and made me drop my shopping bag, in doing so forcing me to spend more of my last hard-earned money on a cup of hot coffee to save my sanity, thereby defecting the funds needed to buy your black coffee too."

"How was _I _to know you have some shred of humanity in that insane mind of yours?"

"It's still _your _fault in the first place."

"My fault? _My fault_!" His blood –and temper– was reaching its limits. "If it weren't for you, NONE of this would have happened in the first place! Release me NOW!"

"Unfortunately, I can't do that, Zala." Cagalli paused in mid-sip and looked at him solemnly. "As mentioned, I'm rather pissed off that your fiancé Lacus would choose _you_ over my wonderful brother. So I came over all the way from Japan to see you face to face; and so far I'm not impressed. In fact, you remind me of Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs – with you starring as Grumpy, only you're three feet taller..." _And definitely more gorgeous,_ she almost said but caught herself in time.

His green eyes narrowed. "I'm_ flattered_. However, what you think of me matters little to me. What I want is for you to set me free this instant before I report you to the police and have you rotting in a dark and cold prison cell somewhere in Nebraska!"

"Are we back to THAT again?" Cagalli rolled her eyes skyward. "You're not going to scare me off, Zala. I'm made of tougher stuff. Besides, didn't I already tell you I'll free you in a matter of hours after I did some thorough questioning?"

Athrun sighed, resigned to his fate. "Fine, so ask away."

"Of course...right after I finish drinking my coffee."

If his hands weren't tied up, he would have cheerfully murdered her.

XXX

Cagalli couldn't understand what was so attractive about Athrun Zala. Granted, the guy had killer looks...but who cared about that if all he could do with his beautiful green eyes was _glare_. Okay...so she was partly at fault. But hey, where's his sense of humor?

She thought it pretty funny to lead a bureaucrat around the city like a sheep being steered by a shepherd. Even funnier was that everyone believed her bogus story on cowgirls and green-eyed guinea pigs as tourists attractions concocted by the government.

Too bad Zala didn't view his predicament positively.

"Hey, where exactly are you taking me?" Mr. Grumpy grumbled as he stumbled when she dragged him over a big hole in the road. "You've been leading me around in circles for hours and I'm hungry!"

She sighed heavily. "It's only been half an hour..."

"Keyword: _Hour_."

"Fine, Your Royal Crabbiness, we'll settle on some unfortunate restaurant somewhere soon...A-ha! Perfect!" Cagalli stopped in front of a restaurant bearing the name '**24 HOUR BISTRO**' on its signpost. As she reached out to open the door, a drunkard was kicked out, hiccupping all the way as he landed facedown on the ground, singing something that sounded like '...sing to me only with thine eyes...". Behind him, a pot-bellied man was shaking his fist as he slammed the door closed.

Athrun curled his lips in distaste.

Cagalli walked forward.

"We're eating here."

"You're crazier than I thought if you think I'm setting foot in this dump sight you call a –"

"...I wasn't kidding about the closet."

"You wouldn't DARE."

She smiled sweetly.

And she dragged him inside the restaurant, with Athrun muttering something about 'crazy cowgirls'.

XXX

An hour later, after heaps and heaps of empty plates licked clean courtesy of Cagalli, she was leaning against the cubicle in total satisfaction. Her emerald-eyed companion looked torn between impressed and disgusted. She had such a big appetite for such a small woman.

_I wonder if she eats for two people..._

Still, something bugged him since the moment they stepped into the bistro and the curiosity got to him.

Athrun cleared his throat.

"I have a question for you, Ms. Kidnapper."

"What's that?"

"How are you going to _pay_ for all this, since you said you wasted your last dime on _coffee_?" he asked eloquently.

Cagalli's eyes rounded in shock.

"Oh, why in blazes didn't you tell me that before we entered this restaurant?"

"Don't blame me for you lame memory skills!" he snapped. "Now how are you going to dig us out of this mess, hmm?"

"Well, don't you have any money on you?"

Athrun's eye twitched. "I was heading to a restaurant that took credit cards. And I don't think this bistro knows WHAT a credit card is."

Before she could utter another word, Mr. Pot-belly walked out of his office, looking absolutely harried. "Oh boy, my singer isn't coming for his evening gig. Damn, why this evening of all evenings he chooses to have his appendix operation! And I promised everyone a spectacular entertainment today! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy..."

A light-bulb clicked on inside Cagalli's head.

She twiddled her forefingers together and looked up at Athrun innocently. "Umm...I don't suppose you know how to sing...do you?"

"Well, I got a few pointers from Lacus and –Wait a minute! You're not thinking what I think you're thinking, are you?" He narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"Oh, I was just thinking that...you know, if you can sing and it'll really help if you can also play the guitar, maybe you can..."

When her implication sunk into his befuddled mind, Athrun was seeing red all over.

"No way! You're the kidnapper and you should take on the responsibility!"

"Oh, come on, Zala! _Please_?" Cagalli turned puppy-dog eyes to him. But he was determined to put a firm foot down.

"I'm not going to do this, and that is _that_!"

XXX

"I can't believe I'm doing this."

Athrun hated puppy-dog eyes. They would be the death of him.

"Oh, don't be such a party pooper, Zala. This is going to be fun!" Cagalli's wide, golden-brown eyes danced merrily. Athrun had to stop himself from staring too long and too deeply.

_Hmm...Pretty eyes..._

"Alright, people! Let's get this show on the road!" Cagalli pumped a fist up in the air.

_Too bad they're wasted on a psychotic maniac._

He rolled his eyes.

"So have you chosen what song you're going to sing?" she asked him as she dumped a guitar into his hand.

"Sure I have. London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down," he intoned sarcastically.

"ZALA, this is SERIOUS! Think of something better!"

"Well, I can't think of anything!"

"WHAT? Haven't you listened to the radio or watched music channels like MTV?"

Athrun blinked. "What's a...'MTV'?"

Her jaw dropped. "Aren't you _marrying_ a pop star?"

He scowled. "Stop LOOKING at me like that! I don't have time to listen to music when I have paperwork to do, contracts to sign and negotiations to make!" he said in irritation.

"Well then...use God's gift of brains to you and make something up!" She froze when the pot-belly man walked to the microphone on the centre stage and made his announcement.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are sorry to announce that Mr. Lobo couldn't make it here tonight due to his appendix operation."

Boos from the crowd.

"I know. I'm disappointed too. But we have a fine proxy to replace tonight's gig. Please put your hands together for Mister..." Mr. Pot-belly leaned to Cagalli and hissed, "What did you say his name was?"

"Oh, it's Athrun Za –Just Athrun," Cagalli mentally slapped herself. She had almost let his full name slip by her lips! _Mental note: Look before you leap._

Mr. Pot-belly looked at her weirdly but continued, "Mister Athrun!"

As Mr. Pot-belly walked down the stage, he threw Cagalli a warning glance. "Remember, if his performance ruins me, you two are going to work for me for as long as you breathe on this planet!"

Cagalli smiled tensely.

On cue, Athrun reluctantly walked to the center of the stage, guitar in hand. He shot Cagalli one last glare before clearing his throat. "Good evening. As you know, my name is Athrun –"

"Holy, but he's gorgeous!" One of the women in the audience swooned. "And he looks so much like our darling Athrun Zala! He even has the same first name! Sigh, I think I'm in _love_."

_You don't know how close you are to the truth,_ he scowled. "Right, I'll just get right down to the songs. This one is called 'Goddess'." He paused and strummed the guitar gently.

**Late summer night, with a piece of you**

**My heart stirred **

'**Cause I have you near**

**In my wandering smiles and heady clouds**

**I feel you **

**I see you**

**And I long to have you in my arms again**

**Aphrodite was the goddess of love**

**You might just be more to me**

**So if you play it right**

**You could sell me words and I might just buy them**

**You could sell me heaven and I might just buy it**

**We could stay up all night**

**If we just stay quiet**

Athrun's voice was soft and seductive, the lyrics slipped from his mouth like sweet honey. Cagalli glanced at he crowd and cringed. Oh yeah. All the women in the audience looked absolutely mesmerized by him.

**At eleven you're still not satisfied**

**I think I'll let you go**

**On to my photograph fancy**

**You're beginning to love**

**You're beginning to bloom**

**Don't stare at me with your lonely eyes**

**My door is always open for you**

Cagalli found she wasn't immune to him either. Her body temperature was rising rapidly. Who knew Mr. Grumpy's voice could be so..._sexy_?

**Aphrodite was the goddess of love**

**You might just be more to me**

**So if you play it right**

**You could sell me words and I might just buy them**

**You could sell me heaven and I might just buy it**

**You could be my goddess**

'**Cause I just might need one**

**So please grant me one wish**

**That you might just be the one**

**My goddess...**

The song ended and he waited for their reaction.

Silence.

And then all hell broke loose.

"CAGALLI, _HELP_!"

Athrun looked terror-stricken as his fan girls doubled –no– _tripled_ before his very eyes and seemed intent on crushing him under a stampede of rushing feet.

"OH I JUST LOVE YOUR SONG! PLEASE BE MY BOYFRIEND!" One brunette tugged on his arm and nearly tore that particular body part out in the process.

"GAH, HE'S MINE, YOU WITCH! MINE!" A redhead grabbed onto his other arm and pulled him her way.

And that was just _two _of them!

Cagalli watched them pull and twist him like a human rag doll from a distance, lips twitching in amusement. But when one girl tried to slap a kiss on Athrun's lips, irritation kicked in.

_What the –Why the heck do I feel so damn irritated for? It's not as if I'm jealous! I don't even know the guy, for God's sake! _

Nevertheless, she stormed on over and pushed the woman away forcefully. "Alright, folks, break it up! Show's over! Mr. Singer here needs some rest after his gig!"

His startled fan girls shot lethal looks at her. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? ORDERING US AROUND?"

"Well, I'm his manager, so I guess that makes it my job to boss people around. Now, vamoose before I give you a reason to REALLY scream!" Cagalli's eyes glinted with promises of broken bones and decapitated heads.

The girls took one look at her enraged expression and quickly scattered like pigeons in her wake. But not without a parting remark from the redhead who was the last to leave.

"Humph! What kind of sane male would ever find you attractive with your bossy attitude, you Amazon Pig?"

Cagalli's first instinct was to jump on her and inflict some bodily damage. Then she paused in mid-stomp, stunned to discover that the remark had hurt. Was that girl right? Was she just too bossy, too Amazon-like to be attractive to any member of the opposite sex? Could that be why even the lecherous Yuuna had turned his attention to other women?

And why _in blazes_ was she asking herself such STUPID questions?

"Hey, are you alright?" Athrun felt concern wash over him when he saw the troubled look on Cagalli's face.

"O-Of course I'm alright!" Cagalli snapped, turning her head. "Well, you did okay for a first-time singer. You have a very..."

_Sexy as sin voice! Oh heck, I got turn on just because of a voice!_

"...a very nice voice," she finished awkwardly. "Where did you get that song idea anyway?

Athrun shrugged. "Singing is sort of a...hobby for me."

"I bet you sing in the showers for practice!" she teased.

He reddened. "Shut up."

"So, how much money did the pot-belly man give you?"

"About a hundred...and he also offered me a permanent job here performing gigs," he replied wryly.

She smiled. "Wow. I guess that means we can pay for the food and still have some money to spare...You can have the extra."

"I don't need it. Here, you can keep it." He pressed the cash into her hand.

She stared at it for a moment, then smirked and put the money into her pocket. "You're right. I deserve to keep it since I just saved you from the evil clutches of those screeching banshees."

Athrun sighed, exasperated. What an _impossible_ woman!

But now was his chance of escape. He inched away. "Well, now that _that's_ over and done with, I guess it's time we part ways and –"

The next instant he was tied up again and towed out of the bistro with Cagalli leading the way. "You're not pulling a fast one on me, Zala. With this entire hullabaloo going on, I still don't know a thing about you. So I'm taking you someplace nice and relaxing so we can have a long, uninterrupted chat..."

Her victim sighed, feet dragging across the floor.

XXX

**TBC**

XXX

**Note:** I do not own the lyrics. They are copyrighted to Jordy...I only tone it down and mixed up the lyrics at certain places.


	4. Chapter Four

"Is THIS your idea of a _nice, relaxing_ atmosphere to chew the fat?"

Athrun's incredulous expression almost made Cagalli smile. _Almost_. Right now, he was being a real pain in the nether regions.

Anyhow, what was wrong with the public swimming pool? It wasn't contaminated with germs or anything!

She crossed her arms indignantly. "Of course it's nice and relaxing! Besides, didn't you read in Reader's Digest that swimming is a form of exercise that is more soothing for the body than most callisthenic activities?"

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not talking about 'chewing the fat' in the literal sense! I'm talking about our little 'chat'! Haven't you heard of English substitution?"

"Save your complaints for someone who cares, buddy! I'm going to untie you now. And when I do, you're going to come with me without putting up a fuss."

He rolled his eyes skyward. _Is she crazy or just plain stupid? Who in his right mind wouldn't want to escape as soon as he's let loose from his kidnapper?_

Cagalli narrowed her eyes at him, and as if reading his mind, she added, "You also have to promise you won't try to get away."

"And what if I break my promise anyway?" he asked testily.

"Then...I suppose I should warn you in advance that I used to be called the 'Goddess of Track and Field' when I was in high school. I'll run after you, catch you, and then I'll do..._something_." She emphasized the last word meaningfully.

He snorted. "What kind of threat is _that_? I bet you don't even know what horrible _something _you would impart on me should I run off!"

She grinned from ear to ear. He didn't like that grin. "Oh, you'll see. Just remember, I won't be so forgiving when you have to face the consequences of my wrath. Now promise!"

He sighed and lifted up one hand. "I promise that I will not run away." _Although that doesn't mean I won't give it a try..._

With nimble fingers, Cagalli quickly loosened the rope and freed him. A strong urge to run as fast as his feet could carry him assailed his mobility. But he calmed himself down. He shouldn't take her threats lightly. She was demented and unpredictable and he was still at her mercy.

_I'll play along...for now._

XXX

**Chapter Four**

It was fairly crowded in the public pool. They sat under one of the vacant sunshades when she began her analytical probing.

"Now, tell me about yourself."

"I'm bored, I'm tired, and I want to go home."

Cagalli gave him a lethal glare. "Try again, Zala."

Athrun rolled his eyes. "I'm nineteen, I'm British, I'm an official, I live in Britain, and I find cowgirls most annoying. There, you happy?"

"Excuse me, but there's such a thing called 'in-depth' information. You know...the information that _can't _be found in some random magazine featuring the great nineteen-year-old British official who hates 'cowgirls'?" she asked with raised eyebrows.

"Well, be specific!"

"All right then." She paused for a moment. "How do you _really_ feel about Lacus Clyne?"

"That's a stupid question. I love her, of course!"

For some reason, hearing him declare his feelings for Lacus...hurt her. It really did. She cleared her throat in an effort to calm herself. "Oh...okay then. Umm, well, tell me about your favorite things. Like your favorite color, your favorite food, your favorite songs...et cetera."

"Well, I have an affinity for black. I enjoy spicy food the best. And I don't think I have a favorite song. Not much time to listen to them, remember?"

She smiled sympathetically. "That's so sad, you know. Songs are music to the ears and it gives the soul serenity and a sense of peace."

He laughed bitterly. "That's funny. Then how come the last time I heard music during my mother's funeral, I didn't feel serene and peaceful at all?"

"How old were you?" she asked before she could bite her tongue.

His eyes took on a faraway expression. "I was five. She died in a tragic car accident. Father was never the same again after that. He buried himself in his work to assuage the pain of her loss. So it was like losing both my parents all at once. And when he passed away, I felt...nothing. Because I knew even if no one else did that he was already dead to the world."

_Poor Athrun...he must have had a very lonely childhood. _"I empathize. I lost my mother when I was young too. But I feel blessed to have my brother and my father around."

Athrun cocked his head. "Despite your annoying self, I have to admit, I truly _do_ admire that you love your brother to the point that you would kidnap someone and infringe the law."

She colored slightly. "I'm just doing my sisterly duty. I mean, it's a big sister's job to take care of her younger sibling." She fanned herself with a hand. "It's hot, isn't it?"

"Hmm...The day _is_ unusually warm. Perhaps it's because of the change of the earth's equator that's raising the temperature and...W-What are you DOING?" He looked freaked out when Cagalli stood up and began to pull up her shirt. He covered his eyes with one hand and waved his other hand wildly. "Hey, stop! This is a public pool! Don't you know any shame?"

He immediately felt like the world's biggest dumbbell when he peeked through his fingers and saw the red and green striped one-piece swimming suit under her shirt and pants.

"I'm just going for a quick dip. What did you think? That I wanted to do a strip show for you?" she asked, lips twitching.

His cheeks flamed. Bingo!

She rolled her eyes. "Well, flush that perverted thought out of your brain, Zala. If you want a strip dance, then you've picked on the wrong woman. Only my future husband, if there's any decent man left in this world to marry, will ever see me in the nude."

"Well, how was I suppose to know you wear a swimsuit under your clothes wherever you go? Do I look like I have X-ray vision?" he snapped.

"No need to burst a blood vessel over something so trivial, Zala. Besides, for your information, I do not wear a swimsuit wherever I go. But I intended coming here since I like to swim and so I prepared myself beforehand. Now, while I'm in the water, I trust you won't attempt to run away?" She narrowed her eyes at him.

"You have my word," he said solemnly, hiding his crossed fingers behind his back.

"All right," she gave him one last wary look before turning her back on him. Athrun's jaw almost dropped open when he saw her stride to the pool. Who knew the tiny blond had such shapely legs?

_Cagalli was right. I AM a pervert. Stop thinking dirty thoughts, Zala. You're an engaged man. Remember Lacus? _

As soon as Cagalli stepped into the pool, Athrun slowly stood up.

This was his chance. _RUN_!

He was about a few feet away when he sensed something was wrong. He glanced backward and saw Cagalli floating facedown on the surface of the water. She was not moving.

"C-Cagalli!" Athrun felt a jolt of alarm hit him. Escape became the last thing on his mind as he backtracked as fast as possible, praying nothing had befallen the blond. Why he was worried for the crazy blond was beyond him. But he would worry about that later.

As soon as he arrived to the edge of the pool, he plunged into the water, clothes and all, and quickly pulled Cagalli out.

_What the HECK?_

Cagalli's amber eyes snapped open in shock when she felt someone tug her out of the swimming pool and to the side and unceremoniously dumped her on dry land. She sputtered and opened her mouth, about to give whoever that rude individual was a tongue-lashing he would never forget, when his lips descended and met hers.

XXX

Athrun touched his still stinging cheek and sighed.

"You didn't have to slap me so hard, you know."

"After what you DID? I'm surprised I didn't_ slaughter_ you on the spot!" Cagalli snapped as she put on her clothes. Her own cheeks were colored with a light red shade.

"Woman, I was _trying_ to SAVE your life!"

"I didn't NEED saving, Sir Lancelot! All I was doing was floating on my front, minding my own business, when you decided to pull your perverted moves and force you lips on mine!"

"I was simply trying to perform CPR!"

"Hah! A likely story!"

"Is this the thanks I get for worrying if you had drowned because of cramps or muscle strains?"

"You can eat my knuckle sandwich as thanks!"

"I'm starting to regret coming back to save you," Athrun muttered under his breath.

"Coming back?" Her tawny eyes widened and then narrowed at the insinuation in his words. "_Now_ I get it. While I was swimming, you were plotting your escape! Your promises are worth less than a cent, Zala! Oh, we're _really _racking up a list here. A grouch," she raised one finger, "a liar," the second finger, "and a pervert who takes advantage of innocent women! That's THREE black marks against you!" She raised the third finger and waved that hand accusingly in his face.

"For the last time, I am NOT a pervert!" He looked a bit guilty then. "Although I do admit to the grouchy part and I _did_ try to escape...but in the end I'm still here, am I not?"

Cagalli didn't budge an inch. "Now how shall you be punished? Should you be tied to the stake? Forced to walk the plank? Dropped into a lake full of bloodthirsty piranhas?"

He blanched. "You _can't_ be serious!"

"Of course I am. But..." She frowned "...the kidnap_ee_ should be returned in good condition, right? So I guess I shall release you from the torture I have planned..._for now_."

"Nice to know I've been spared from further pain," he said dryly. "So after the swimming pool, what other terrible destinations do you have in your twisted mind?"

"Patience, you'll find out soon enough. Now stand still."

He sighed resignedly and Cagalli quickly threw the rope around him again.

As she led the way out of the open-air pool, she couldn't help but touch her lips in wonder.

Now that she thought about it...

...his kisses deserved one good mark.

She scowled. _No kind thoughts about HIM, Cagalli. He's your brother's enemy. The one who's going to steal Kira's beloved and marry her in less than **three** days! You can't afford to have warm fuzzy feelings for him! _

But to give him credit, at least he felt the importance of her well-being was more imperative than his escape. Didn't that imply she meant something to him?

Her eyes softened at the thought.

"Hey, Zala?"

The emerald-eyed man in question shot her an insufferable look. "What is it NOW?"

"Thanks. You know, for _trying_ to save me...even though I didn't need saving."

He raised an eyebrow at the unexpected gratitude, but he smiled nonetheless. This time, it was _real _smile without the force or the sarcasm in it, and oddly, it made Cagalli's heart go _thump-thump-thump_. "You're welcome."

_Just as I suspected,_ she mused, _his smile truly is beautiful..._

XXX

**TBC**

XXX


End file.
